I need help.
I have a heck of a BIG problem that I’d really like any of you, my Christian blogging buddies, to help me with if you could.
I haven’t talked about this before, but now I have a Christian friend who also has this very same problem. I hurt for her, and I realize that I hurt for myself as well because of this problem.
The problem? I just can’t, can’t, can’t, trust Jesus.
“What!!?? That’s a terrible thing to say if you’re a Christian! You can’t trust Christ!? What kind of a statement is that for a Christian to say!?”
Well, here’s the thing… The night I became a Christian, I was in very, very bad shape emotionally. I was an atheist at the time, but being atheist, and having an atheistic view of life, was not helping my emotional state. Not at all. It was purely an accident that I became a Christian. That night it was a choice, try it the ‘Bible Way’ or the way of alcohol [very bad choice for me, as an alcoholic]. I fell to my knees and begged Jesus to be my friend.
He came in immediately. He gave me the Holy Spirit [palpably] to be my friend always and forever. I have not been the same since, nor have I had a drink of alcohol since that time. That was 31 years ago.
I’m not in such dire circumstances now, as I was that night. And slowly… surely… [though I walk minute by minute with this Holy Spirit and with God] I started to revert to an old way of thinking.
I have had many, many BAD experiences with men.
I wish Jesus had been put on this planet as a woman. I trust women, I love women. I’m not at all gay, but I love women, and I trust them wholeheartedly.
But it’s a whole nother story with men.
Jesus was God – BUT – He was God, in ‘man’ form. I just can’t seem to get past the fact that part of Jesus was – a man.
Men have hurt me. Hurt me terribly. And it wasn’t just about my earthly father, who hurt me terribly, either. It was many, many other men I’ve come in contact with since then. They hurt me in my neighborhood; laughed at me; jeered at me; abandoned me; told me to go away; conned me into having sex with them, then left me in the dirt; hurt me both emotionally and physically. They hurt me at school; on dates; at work; and in my two marriages; in the medical community. I experienced rape in an encounter with a man. Men can be just horrible creatures! This has been my experience with men.
Please don’t tell me that Jesus was really God. I know He was really God, but down here, He still wore ‘man’ clothes, and I, nor my friend, can’t seem to get past that.
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**Peace & All Feloreaw to our Great & Mighty God**
I hope I have communicated well enough about the quandary I’m in. If there are parts missing, or parts that don’t make sense, please ask Him about this. I know He will fill in any gaps. I’m open to any input about what has been revealed to you by God.
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