How to Pray… No, I Mean… Really Pray

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I loved this article. Here is a synopsis of it.

Become Like a Little Child

Jesus wants us to be without pretense when we come to him in prayer. Instead, we often try to be something we aren’t. We begin by concentrating on God, but almost immediately our minds wander off in a dozen different directions. The problems of the day push out our well-intentioned resolve to be spiritual. We give ourselves a spiritual kick in the pants and try again, but life crowds out prayer. We know that prayer isn’t supposed to be like this, so we give up in despair. We might as well get something done.

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Doing the Hard Thing

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Do you want to really know your Father in Heaven?

Do you want to have an intimate relationship with Him?

Do you want to feel His Love, Wisdom and Power in your life?

Well, there’s one way I know of  that will give you this.

It’s called Doing The Hard Thing.”

Rabbit Climbing Stairs

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Chewing Dogs

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Dear Veterinarian,

A couple of years ago I brought my dog Joshua in for a checkup. The vet looked at his red feet and told me he was chewing them (he has red saliva) because of lack of attention and that I should play with him more.

I had been giving Joshy lots of attention but he just kept chewing.

Then one day, as I was watching him chew furiously, I had a thought. I have athletes foot and it’s miserable. Maybe Joshy does too.

Well the way I keep my problem under control is to pee on my feet in the shower when they start to itch. Urine is great for keeping athletes foot under control (nothing that I know of kills it permanently).

So I decided I’d give this a try with Joshy. I peed in a cup and soaked each foot thoroughly – stretching out his toes to get between them – for 30 seconds or so. Then I shampooed them thoroughly  – stretching out his toes – with a skin conditioning shampoo (Joshy has very sensitive skin) to get the salt off.

Voila!!

No more chewing.

I’ve had to reapply this method when he starts in again because there’s no cure for athletes foot. But he has definitely stopped the chewing. And I thought I should let you know about this.

Ps: I don’t remember the name of the vet that told me about his experience with chewing dogs. It was a while ago.

Robin

An e-mail from my sister

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On 4/24/2018 my sister Jacqueline wrote:

Here is what I think.  I think your life is so diminished by your living situation that you think your passive aggression is just you being scatterbrained even though while you were staying here I didn’t see any of that. I also didn’t see you dissociate and I didn’t tell you something that we did that you didn’t remember.

You know how you wished you had bought the cabinets from your picture but settled on the cheaper ones and after they were in you knew you had made the wrong choice?  I think it may be time to get into a more peaceful living situation and not settle for what you have because it is too expensive.

You can put your stuff in storage here and stay at my place for a while like you did when you first came to California.  Jerry is a kind of devil and you don’t need anymore lessons from living with him.  He thinks I’m “rude and inconsiderate”.  I know that is absolutely not true and you know it too.  We both know that he was describing himself.  He also is vested in being sick and will not do anything physically like eating better and quitting his addiction to soda which is what I think killed rick.  And Jerry will not do anything  “spiritual” to get better even though he professes to be “Christian”.  Jerry’s Christ is Satan.  He wants to be sick so he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his crappy behavior.

Your description of your dissociation is disturbing to me.  I didn’t know it was so bad.  I also think you don’t have to do it if you truly don’t want to.   But in your current situation it is the way for you to take time outs.  It is so negative there that you dissociate for almost any conscious reason but more probably for some unconscious reason.  When it comes to your dissociation you sound just like Jerry.  You put up with it and it is making your life hell.  It’s victim-licious, meaning it’s a choice.

It’s time to divorce Jerry (whether you love him or not).  You would be able to sell both houses, which would  profit you considerably.  Take that money, which is actually your inheritance, to get yourself into a more positive environment.  I said sell both houses so you have no ties to Jerry at all.  And don’t think about moving back to Watsonville where Jerry’s black aura lingers.  I think God would help you to get the perfect job to help you financially.  You are very good at organizing and that is a great skill.  I was wowed by what you did for the welfare office organizing all the forms.  You are not afraid of making mistakes either but I “know” this move would not be a mistake.  It has been on my mind for quite a while.

I know it’s scary but it’s something to meditate on.  Please think about doing this.  I hate to see you this way.  You were brave enough to confront dad.  You are still just as brave as I witnessed your whole life.  Even as a child, you stood up to dad telling him he was wrong even when you knew what he would do to you.  I witnessed it so many times that it is undeniable.  I tried to help you to not confront him but you weren’t the meek person that I was.  I never ever confronted him and I have paid the price my whole life.  Stop paying the price with Jerry.  Please get out now.  Don’t think about your new kitchen as yours.  The way it came out, it isn’t yours anyway.   Maybe you were told to remodel the house by God to get a better price when it is sold.

You believe in the truth and that there is help available to you from the spirit world.  It is guiding me right now to help you.  My healing is in my words.  Please listen.

jackie

Robin Wrote

Wow. A lot of anger there. That’s what I felt as I read this. It scared me. You keep saying I’m ‘brave’. I wish you would stop saying that. It’s obvious that you have no idea what goes on in my head. I’m not brave so much as I’m CRAZY!!!!! This is why I’m here to learn my own lessons and not to be ‘teaching’ other people theirs. I’m a nut-case. You have to know this by now. Your experiences with me ought to have clued you into this by now. If not, then where have you been?

Do you think that maybe one of the things I have to do in this life is to work with Jerry and him to work with me? It looks messy to you but there’s something between us that looks like it may be starting to unfold. One of the reasons he acts so crazy is because I AM CRAZY!!! I can drive anyone to distraction – even you. Imagine living with me 24/7. Remember how I wanted to move with you into a duplex but you would have none of it? Ask yourself – WHY?

I told him that if there was one more episode of screaming that I would separate (not divorce) and go to Watsonville.  I’m doing EMDR and this has gotten me to the point where I have nothing to lose but to tell him point blank what I need and want from him, I FINALLY told him what’s been on my heart and what I’ve known I needed from him for many many years. From childhood I learned NEVER to ask for anything from anyone! Asking for things only got me into deep deep trouble. So it’s only because I had nothing left to loose that made me willing to ask this of him.

When I’m being scatterbrained and unfocused (and I know this isn’t just because I’m with him)  I need him to gently take hold of my arms, look me in the face and calmly tell me what he needs and wants from me. We’ve done this 3 out of a potential 5 times so far and every time it seems to work like a charm with me. And he’s in it with me. I start the ball rolling but he’s willing to take up the reigns with me. I wrote my heart out on a page and both of us have been reading it every day since I wrote it. It’s a new way to behave and that involves changing a habit which can be difficult. But reading what I wrote daily is serving to keep this new way forefront in our minds.

I’m not sure you know this – or believe it – but I live a very very lonely life here on this planet.  But – I’m crazy – and it alienates people from me. I drank buckets to try to deal with this horrible aloneness and insanity between my ears. Then I got dropped into AA by a vision from God who showed me my future if I kept on doing what I was doing with the booze. But after a short while AA couldn’t handle me anymore. And I couldn’t be helped by them. Humans don’t have enough power to help me. By the time I was 2 years sober Jeanne had had it with me and left. Then God came back to me (and I know you know this story already) through Jesus who visited me in the flesh and who gave me the Holy Spirit (who I felt entering through the top of my head) to be my forever friend. God helped me with the loneliness by giving me a forever friend. Now, because I’m one with the heavens, I never have to feel that horrible endless loneliness I once had. My life is in the heavens not here on earth. Earth can’t take me – I’m TOO CRAZY for earthlings. I’m not fit for humans to handle. My purpose is a lonely one. To learn my own lessons. God comes by and talks to me here and there and it helps with the detangling . And I always have the H.S. to talk to through this earthly trip. I don’t know what I have to learn but God has done some straightening out in me in more than several ways. I need A LOT of straightening out. It’s like East L.A. in this head. Jackie, I was drinking QUARTS of HARD LIQUOR. QUARTS AND QUARTS OF IT and my head would still not shut down. I was given EMDR again through someone’s suggestion. This time for relationships, and I think it might be helping me get to a jumping off point with Jerry’s and my relationship.

How do you know I didn’t dissociate while I was with you? On the outside I look fine (?) But that does not belie what’s going on on the inside. Do you ever find yourself going into auto-pilot fantasy mode?

After this, if I have driven you to distraction (which it sounds like is happening). Maybe you better just drop me from your register. I’ll be ok. I always have the H.S. – my forever friend.

Just a Thought

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I want to get this idea out there in the world.

Maybe it will spread around and people will think about it.

Why do people have babies when they prefer to work
rather than take care of them?

Children need a lot of love and care in order to grow up
to be healthy adults.

As a result, children are being forced to raise themselves.

I think there’s a lot of crime and suicide among children
who don’t have any parents to help them.

It’s so sad to see this happening to our dear children.

Road Rage: How to Dissolve a Traffic Jam

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I copied this from a the website: HERE. (It comes with a neat video too). I stumbled onto this myself a while ago and it really does work. Please copy and spread it around if you will. If we all get together and do it, it could really make a difference with road rage.

Don’t try this in the fast lane. For some reason it makes drivers crazy when you try to do this in the fast lane. He was doing it in the fast lane in the video but I think that was only because it was an exit lane.

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TRAFFIC “EXPERIMENTS”
AND A CURE FOR WAVES & JAMS
1998 William Beaty Electrical Engineer
My first ‘experiment’: accidentally erasing traffic waves!

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God is Such a Good God! I Love Him!!

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I’ve been free of flour/sugar products for over two years and cigarettes for over one and a half years and I haven’t lost any weight at all. It’s been very discouraging to say the least but I think the tide is finally turning regarding the weight. I think God finally had enough of my wining and stepped in to give me a little advice.

I had a spiritual experience a couple of weeks ago about losing this weight. It went something like this.

God: You know how to lose this weight dear.
Me: How?
God: You know how.
Me: No I don’t.
God: Yes you do. You’ve done it two times before in the exact same way with complete success.

EXERCISE !
Twenty minutes a day.

God: You did it one time just before you moved to Santa Cruz. And one time while you were in Weight Watchers. It worked like a charm back then and there’s no reason why it won’t work again this time. So… if you really do want to lose this weight… why don’t you…

Get back on the ball.

Well I’ve been doing cardio-exercise (which is what I did before) on the elliptical machine twenty minutes a day since then.

I know I will lose the weight this way. God is right. If I want to lose the weight, I have to exercise. I’ve experienced losing the weight this way two times before. I really do want to lose the weight. Enough so that I don’t have any resentment about doing the exercise anymore. I used to have a big resentment at doing even ten minutes. I’ve always talked myself into this resentment by wining things like…

How come I have to exercise
to lose weight and
everyone else doesn’t.

But when God talked to me that day, I knew instantly what a load of crap that was. He put on my heart the reality that just about everyone who has a slim figure has to exercise… the same as I would if I wanted a slim figure too. Suddenly, doing twenty minutes a day on the elliptical is a piece of cake. Not only did He give me the information I needed to loose the weight, but He took all my resentment about doing the exercise, away too!

Robin

My Baptizm Horror Story

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My baptism was ‘not that great’ as it turned out. This is an understatement. Here’s what happened.

I became a Christian in my bedroom, alone, by accident, at 27 years old. The story of my conversion is HERE. Then I was a ‘closet Christian’ for three years before I got with a church. After that, it took another year or so before I got the guts to come forward and ask to be baptized. I knew about baptizim, and I knew you were supposed to get baptized after you became a Christian, right? It’s just something that Christians were supposed to do. You get baptized to declare to the world that you now follow Christ. I had no problem with that. I knew I belonged to Jesus and to God and that I owed my very life to Him.

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Life is Like a River of Spinning Logs

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Life is like a fast moving river filled with spinning logs. We spend our lives frantically leaping from spinning log to spinning log trying to stay afloat. Mentally, emotionally, physically, we leap.. and leap… and leap. But God lives in the calmly moving depths of the water between the spinning logs. How did I connect to Him there in the depths? How did I stop frantically leaping from spinning log to spinning log to get to Him? The answer… one time I stopped leaping. It sounds impossible but one time I sat down on a log and gazed into the water to look for Him… and I found Him there and saw Him return my gaze. It was marvelous. The spinning logs be damned, this is where I finally found peace. I stopped the constant leaping from log to log, and as I sat down on the log I found that it stopped spinning. I sat down for a time and gazed into the water, and He helped me with the constant spinning. And all I did was just sit down.

The Day I Was Freed from the Obsession to Drink

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It was a dark and stormy night….

No… really… It was a dark and stormy night. I was six years sober at the time. SIX YEARS SOBER AND I STILL HAD THE OBSESSION TO DRINK! YIKES!

Don’t ask my how I could have pulled that off. How can a drunk, who is drooling for a drink, not drink… for six years. Fear. That’s all I can say. Plain fear. Unadulterated fear. I’d had a vision of my life if I’d continued down the drinking path, and it wasn’t pretty. It was a horror movie. God showed me my future in living color six years before that, and I couldn’t deny the truth of that future if I continued to drink the way I was doing. And I couldn’t stop the drinking the way I was doing it. So I dragged myself to A.A. and they got me sober.

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How I Quit Smoking Easily and Naturally

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Among many, many ‘two groups of people’, this is one type….

Smokers & Non-Smokers.

The idea is to jump, for all your worth, from the one group (Smokers) into the other group (Non-Smokers). You need to do this deeply so that both feet are firmly planted into the Non-Smoking group of people.

And never look back again.

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What To Do With Sin-Trauma

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When God first made man… Genesis 1:26 …

Let us make man-kind
in our image.

God told Noah… Genesis 9:6 …

For human beings are made
in God’s own image.

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I Don’t Care Much for Love

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(an e-mail I sent to my pastor in response to the sermon he gave today. Regarding something he talked about that made me think on the word – compassion.)

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I want to say more about the word “love”. I just don’t care much for that word. It’s been bandied about too much. Like an old wad of crumpled duct tape. It’s kind of useless anymore.

I love potato chips (?)

I mean. Come on!

But – compassion….

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Attachment to God? HELP!!

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What if you’re a Christian… and you have Attachment Disorder… what do you do… with God?

I’ve been in Alcoholics Anonymous a very very long time and I have a lot of time without alcohol. I’ve tried to follow the ‘program’ for all I’ve been worth but have been a miserable failure at it. The only thing I’ve managed to do… by hook and by crook…sometimes by the skin of my teeth… is to not drink.

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Something to Think About

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Until a person recovers from the shock of being physically traumatized, they have absolutely no capacity to either give or receive love. The trauma forces all their faculties to focus inward to deal with the trauma and so they can not be reached. I believe this same understanding can be applied to the shock of psychological trauma as well. All the faculties are focused inward trying to deal with the trauma. This is what I know from my own experience anyway.

About the “Self-Soothing” Thing

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More on the ‘no addictions’ journey…

Well I’ve tried the ‘self-soothing’ thing many times before, and for many years. People have told me of it’s importance more than a few times in my life. But it never really took. Not really. I wanted to do it. It sounded like a great idea. But I only was able to do it by rote – robotic like. Needless to say, it didn’t help anything.

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God in Me

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As I continue to stumble onward along this ‘no addiction’ journey…

Let Us make man-kind in Our Image.

Genesis 1:26

(It says: “All Mankind” – not just Christians)

When I was made, God placed in me a piece of Himself. A ‘fragment’ of Himself if you will. Then He went along His way doing what He does. Creating things and such.

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Holding the Baby

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This is a continuation of this post: HERE

I woke up very early this morning. Dread from the trauma memory weighed heavy on my heart. “What to do with all this new information? How am going to get out from under all this trauma as an infant? How am I going to deal with this? How?”

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Intense Paranoia

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As I continue to trudge my ‘no-addictions’ journey, I came to this…

On Saturday I tried to go to a party. My ‘friend’ roped me in by asking me if I could help her out with plates, utensils, etc. She was so insistent that I couldn’t say no to her. So I went.

I hate parties and here’s the reason why. They cement the knowledge I carry inside, that no body likes me. No body. One more time, I wound up sitting all alone by myself. Everyone was grouped up and I was sitting alone.

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An E-Mail I Sent to My Therapist

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Dear Elizabeth,

About the attachment disorder thing. I was thinking on the way home about what I know about it from the inside. This is what came up.

From my experience with it on the inside, people with this disorder are absolutely, positively, 100% convinced that no living thing would give a single wit if they died. Their very deaths would have absolutely no impact on anyone. They believe they have as much value as animal road-kill, that the people around them would go on as if nothing happened. Therefore, this becomes the imperative  – they must take care of themselves! They live this way because they think their very lives depend on it. This belief probably started from infancy in the crib when their minds were soft and their cries were left unanswered, or worse – met with violence. They hardened inside to survive and these convictions became ingrained in steel.

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All this “TRYING!!!”

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I continue on in my quest as an addict into the world of no addictions.

It’s been officially a year now since I put the sugar down; six months since the cigarettes. I’m digging deep into my psyche. It started out with curiosity. I’ve been desperate to know… “Through practicing all these addictions, what the heck have I been running away from so hard?” Now it’s come to take on a life of it’s own. Here’s where I  now.

About a month ago, I gave out. I ran out of steam as they say. I began to have the sensation that I was walking through a very dry desert all by myself… and I didn’t care; didn’t give a lick about anything. I lost my “TRY”.

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A “Spark of the Divine”

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Let Us make man-kind in Our Image.

Genesis 1:26

There’s a drug that my psychiatrist prescribed for me a few weeks ago called Prazosin. It’s for PTSD. He said it was a pretty old drug – from the 70’s – and was used to treat high blood pressure. However, one of the other things it does is calm the adrenal glands so that they don’t pump out adrenalin so furiously the way they do in PTSD victims who are in constant ‘fight or flight’ mode. Anyway, since I’ve been on this drug I’ve begun to get clear-headed in a way that I’ve never been aware of before.

Here’s what I’m awakening to.

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