Let Us make man-kind in Our Image.
There’s a drug that my psychiatrist prescribed for me a few weeks ago called Prazosin. It’s for PTSD. He said it was a pretty old drug – from the 70’s – and was used to treat high blood pressure. However, one of the other things it does is calm the adrenal glands so that they don’t pump out adrenalin so furiously the way they do in PTSD victims who are in constant ‘fight or flight’ mode. Anyway, since I’ve been on this drug I’ve begun to get clear-headed in a way that I’ve never been aware of before.
Here’s what I’m awakening to.
When God made each of us, at the moment of our creation, He placed deep within our beings a ‘Spark of His Divinity’ which could never be extinguished. No matter how badly we might be traumatized or abused by the dirt of life or people in this world, this Divine Spark of Him would persist. God embedded it in us from our conception to stay with us until our death. I believe it even continues on with us after death. He has placed a piece of Himself (His Image) inside each one of us forever.
This divine spark is strong. It has the strength and power of God Himself and no mean, little, human words or actions, no trauma of any kind, can ever come close to destroying it. It will never be extinguished no matter how much any puny human tries to force it out. It is the Spark of pure God.
Living inside each one of us.
As a helpless, powerless, child unspeakable cruelties were leveled against my person. But this Spark… that I lost sight of… that was covered over by this ton of trauma… remained. It’s been there all along, and now, on Prazosin, without the copious amount of adrenalin surging through my body, I can see it. I can see the light of it sparkling like a star inside me. I hold a piece of God… inside me. It is said that we are made out of the stuff of stars. Stars are made of some powerful stuff, but God has even more power than the stars. I have this power in me. Imagine. In each of us there is this power…. and it’s been there all along. Though covered over by the dirt of the world’s evil, it lives on in us… sparkling… pure… with all the power of the stars. A Spark of the Divine.
These last few weeks, on the Prazosin, the Spark is developing a ‘flesh’ covering. It’s evolving a face and body around it. Female, and like a Mom. The Spark is at the center of this new mother. She’s my brand new parent, all wise.. and all loving… and in my mind, she is re-growing the mangled little girl that I’ve been all my life. I think my Spark is raising the little girl all over again, this time to be straight and true.
I’m very mentally busy right now as this story unfolds in my mind. It’s a movie in 3-D. A do-over going on in my brain as this new mother re-parents the little girl that was me.
Here’s the current scene in the movie. As I watch in rapt attention, the whole scene is crystal clear.
My sparkling new mother is standing in the doorway, head cocked, arms folded, watching her little girl playing on the floor of the playroom. The little girl has her back to her mom totally unaware of the mother’s presence. She is in the middle of intense play. The mom is not engaging the child but just watching her be intensely busy and absorbed. There’s a slight smile on the mom’s face and I can feel the love and compassion exuding from her for her child. The intense play is the way the little girl is processing and decompressing from torturous abuse, trauma, and violent pressure that had been baring down hard on her shoulders for all her little life. The mom’s job is to protect this little girl from any further physical or psychological harm. Especially protecting her from the voices of mean people – present and past – and to give her the space she needs to decompress. All the mean and ugly voices of the past have been warehoused. Locked away forever. The doors shut tight and locked.
I am wholly absorbed in this right now as I sense this total protection from a constant stream of violently evil parental tapes chasing after me. I have a sense of release inside. Being in the present moment feels easy as I have stopped the desperate need to run away from the parental demons living in my head. As I keep the eyes of my mind glued on the Spark the demons have been banished. There is a lightness and quiet inside and there is profound peace. My Spark mom, through the very power of God, seems to have no problem accomplishing the task of protecting me from the continuing slaughter of my precious being. Then too, through the great wisdom of my Spark, I find I am utterly capable of discerning the intents of malicious and non-malicious people. On top of this, I am aware in my mind of the little girl being in intense play-mode as she decompresses from the horrific pressure exerted against her through all her life. Through connection to this Spark, I think there might be true recovery happening. The Spark I carry… is healing me.
Where I’m going to next with this I haven’t a clue. Just like in any movie, you have to follow scene by scene to see the whole story play itself out. Up until the very end, the story remains a mystery.
Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God.
PS – The Prazosin is definitely having a calming effect on the adrenal-driven-frenzy and is playing a vital role in my ability to see recovery. That being said, I also read in Genesis 1:26 where it says; “Let Us make man-kind in Our Image”. It does not say “Let us make only Christians in Our Image.” I believe that the Spark of God is inside each and every human being regardless of spiritual or non-spiritual bent. If you are human, you possess this indestructible Spark of God in you. And, regardless of what you’ve been through, it remains. It has always been there… it will always be. Please try to believe this. You have all the power, wisdom, and love you could ever need to recover – no matter from what. It’s waiting there inside of you. Waiting there… ready… willing… able… to help you recover from all the evil perpetrated against you. The Spark of the Universe is from what you were made. The stuff of the stars is in you… and it’s indestructible. Look for it inside yourself. It is there. Unconquerable Wisdom, Power, Love. Pure, Untainted Sanity.
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I like this sermon that talks about us being made in God’s Image. The sermon part starts at a minute and a half. It’s a seven part series but I like this first part the best.