Surrender to win the food battle? How could this possibly ever be true?!!
I used to feel that the phrase ‘I’m powerless over compulsive overeating’, which is Step One of Overeaters Anonymous (OA), was heinous. Why on earth would I want to get into that mindset of negativity regarding my addiction to food? That meant I had no choice over my compulsive overeating. If I admitted complete defeat it would be devastating. I gained 50 pounds in one year when I was fourteen and I’ve been in a war with food ever since.
Now I understand that I needed to admit utter defeat so that I would fully embrace, with all that was in me, Step Two ‘Came to believe that God could remove this terrible problem from me’, and the other Ten Steps. I needed to surrender completely in order to accept God’s help. Surrender: to fully realize that the compulsion to overeat has the power of a tidal wave and a single human being could not ever possibly stop its onslaught. I must recognize my compulsion as a genuine problem, and one which I must accept, if I am to overcome.
I am bipolar and I have learned, deep to the soul, that I could not defeat this condition… without help. A thousand times I tried to get off the bipolar medications, and a thousand times… I failed. I was unable to overcome it without the meds. The tools of OA are the ‘medicines’ I need for victory over my compulsion to overeat.
If I want to recover from the compulsive overeating, I have to admit complete defeat, without reservations, so that 100% of my being will reach out to God for help. God is the ‘medicine’ that will help me to overcome compulsive overeating. And, until I can connect with Him fully – this will take time and practice – I need to lean on my sponsor and other OA members for help. And I am finding that when I follow their guidance I seem to be released from the death-grip compulsive overeating has over me.
Being accountable to, and 100% honest with, my OA sponsor is totally new for me, but I must do this; I e-mail every single thing I put in my mouth each day. I must take this medicine, which is named… surrender.