Before I get started with this post, I want to say that I am in the process of being relieved of a very difficult problem. This is a problem I have carried on my back almost the entire time I have been following in Jesus’ footsteps.
I don’t know if you are aware of this about me since I declare myself to be a Christian… but… shortly after my conversion experience I began to fear Jesus.
Does anyone out there experience this with Jesus?
Am I the only one?
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I was desperately soul-sick at the time of my conversion and Jesus came to me like a doctor. I was so sick in my spirit that I didn’t recognize Him as a man of flesh and blood. He was ~~hope~~. Hope in the form of a Man-God.
Then I started getting better. With God at the steering wheel of my life now, I was getting better. Jesus gave me the Holy Spirit during my conversion experience, and I have been walking with, and talking to, God through the Holy Spirit ever since. It was just … me… God… and the Spirit.
But what happened to Jesus?
Plainly and simply… I turned tail and ran from Him, because Jesus came in …..
and I have been unable to get past that.
The thing is… I have had many, many horrible experiences with the males of our species. Starting with my own father, who used me, and then beat the crap out of me on a regular basis, it went downhill from there…. to the bottom…. being attacked; dragged deep into the woods; raped. I was sure I wasn’t going to get through that experience alive. I would become a statistic… “Girl Disappears Without a Trace….”
But I am now in the process of being relieved of this fear!
How is this possible?! After 31 years of walking with my Christian God, I didn’t think I would ever get over my fear of Jesus. But I can feel in my soul, this fear melting away… right now… as I’m writing this.
I’m beginning to get it…
Jesus is not – in any way, shape, or form – like one of THOSE MEN !!
I want to shout this from a rooftop. Men are men, but Jesus is …. well…. Jesus. He is in a class by Himself. Maybe He had to have a man-suit on while He was here, but underneath that man-suit there lives… a heart of pure gold. Lovely and Lovingly… God-created… warm and fuzzy… gold.
I’m pretty sure this miracle is happening to me because, as of late, I’ve been reading the Bible out loud with my husband. [Also a MAN… around whom I feel some trepidation.]
I’m sure it’s happening because of this….
Reading the gospels…
Jesus speaking to me… out loud… using my own physical voice as His instrument.
All I really had to do… all this time… was to read His loving words toward me…
So peculiar… So miraculous!!
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**Peace & All Feloreaw to our Great & Mighty God**
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