Tags
Bipolar disorder, Christian, god, Health, Mental health, Posttraumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Robin Claire, soberity
This is most tenderest post I think I’ve ever written. The most heart-felt and blatantly honest one.
First of all I have to say that I’m tired today. I was tired yesterday too and I feel like giving up the fight.
The thing is that I have a lot on my plate to deal with. Not that you don’t also have a lot on your plate too. Certainly I know I’m not the only one with problems. In fact, this is a call to all of you to write to me and tell me why you’re tired too and maybe what you’ve done to get out of your rut. I want to feel like I’m not alone. That there is a solution to all this. So I’m asking for any and all input about the problems you also deal with that make you tired; that make you just want to give up. Did you do anything special to make things better?
Here is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.
As an alcoholic, being sober from alcohol… year after year… after year.
[Even though medication works somewhat], being Bipolar with all it’s emotional ups and downs.
Having to deal with PTSD-stress from some severe childhood abuse.
Having a generally melancholy personality.
Feeling pretty alone in an only fairly tolerable marriage.
Struggling with sleep. Waking up 3 and 4 times a night.
Having food and weight issues and fighting my natural bent toward couch-potato-ness.
Hating to clean and do chores that never seem to end.
Feeling like I’ve never done anything worthwhile with the life God has given me. At almost 60 years of age I can’t see that I’ve made anything of my life other than to stay sober and not kill myself.
Feeling like, no matter what I do, I’m never good enough to be accepted by others of my kind.
During the course of staying sober, I became a Christian. I have a very Loving God in my life who helps me get along even with all the problems. My God has done a great deal to help me up to this point and I keep some optimism that life will not always feel this way to me. I have a written Gratitude List with 245 things on it.
But when push comes to shove, I’m pretty tired of it all. Is this all there is to life?
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**Peace & All Feloreaw to our Great & Mighty God**
Robin Claire
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A Christian Overcomer 
What are you talking about? Overcomers don’t give up!
It is curious how alike we all are. You sound pretty much like you are having a case of depression. Believe me I know about it. I’ve suffered depression several times, because of hormonal imbalance. Many nights I feel like there is no hope, but then the Lord brings His words to my mind and calms my troubled heart. You were created for God; to bring glory to Him; to delight in Him; to be joyful for Him. Maybe the Lord has been showing you some things about yourself that you don’t like. Instead of letting that dragging you down, talk to Him about them. Ask Him to forgive you, to restore you and to change you as He sees fit. (He is great at re-energizing marriages too!) just be very specific in your prayers. We were not created to feel miserable and then die. We were created to bring glory to God in all we do. We were created to sore like eagles and tell others how they can do it too!
“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40: 31)
“Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10: 31).
Cheer up!
Dinora
Hi Dinora,
Generally I don’t write posts about my feelings because many times I do feel like this. But I thought I’d reach out some… for help from my blogging friends.
Yes. I need to be restored more. Thank you for the suggestion to pray specifically with this in mind. I will tell Him how miserable I feel and ask that He help me with all the melancholy. It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes.
love to you friend,
robin
I’ll pray for you. Also I just read a much encouraging blog. I am sure it will help you as well.
this is the link. (thanks for teaching me how to do it)
blessings,
Dinora
Thank you Dinora for the link. I read it and liked it very much. I’m reaching out to others right now so I don’t have to feel so all alone in this. So I don’t have to feel like I’m being singled out to experience this kind of sadness. So that I can feel like there are others who trudge this road too. love to you sister, robin
You are very welcome,
Dinora
Psalm 27:
13 I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.
Many strong, godly people have despaired: David (above), Solomon (Ecc. 2:20), Paul (2 Cor. 1:8), to name a few. They speak of it as though it were normal, and since I have experienced despair on many occasions, I assume it is.
I commend you for recognizing it, expressing it, and seeking counsel about it. Those are three strong steps out of it! The next one is in David’s writing above: allow your heart to receive courage and wait for it (patiently, eagerly, gratefully, and prayerfully). He will not disappoint you, even though anyone else may.
…oh yes! And try to get to a meeting. That always helps take the focus off the wait if nothing else.
Hi TL,
Thank you. Your encouraging words mean a great deal to me. I should go to a meeting and express myself honestly there. It’s so hard to do this though because I have a great deal of sobriety [33 years] and I don’t want to discourage any new-comers. But I can always couch my feelings with the fact that they are only transient feelings and will come and go as they will.
I appreciate your council about waiting with patience with eagerness, thankfulness and with prayer. I don’t exercise my patience enough. I need to practice it more regularly.
love to you dear friend,
robin
Hang in there. Don’t give up. Don’t panic. STay calm and pray. I’ll pray for you!
Hi Mike,
Thank you for the encouragement and for all your prayer on my behalf.
thank you,
robin
It’s easy to give up. To keep on is uphill. No courage is required to give up. To face today, requires courage. Jesus said with redundancy: Give us our DAILY bread TODAY. I believe the redundancy is not a mistake but an emphasis. That to make it through TODAY, we’re going to need of God’s provision. His material and spiritual provision. I, too, am struggling, so these are some meditations that help me.
God loves you very much, Robin. I pray that you will deeply experience his love today. He is life.
Hi Judy,
Thank you for treking this trek with me. And for all your prayer on my behalf. I’m sure it will help get me out of these doldrums.
You know that I always shoot from the hip about God, addiction and, well…about everything. So, I’m going to tell you what most won’t. You are under enemy attack and he’s out to destroy you because you are speaking death to yourself. The Bible says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21)
You need to begin right now, speaking life to yourself. Confess you are healed by the Blood of the Lamb. Shout it out, Robin because these are all the reasons why He died for you. His death was meant to set you free. Speak L-I-F-E!!!
Thank you Dina, for your wise words to me. I need all the help I can get right now. I just heard a sermon by Paul Washer. Have you ever heard of him. His heart is aligned with mine. I would love to hear what you think of him.
http://headhearthand.org/blog/2012/12/05/paul-washer-interview/#comment-22781
love you sis,
robin
Dear Robin,
When satan attacks, I’ve found it helps to be reminded of our true identity as God’s beloved child. Not sure if you’ve ever watched or read Father’s Love Letter? Here’s the link:
http://www.fathersloveletter.com/video1.html
May Father God fill your spirit, soul and body with His love today. Perhaps you might like to check out Ellel Ministries’ website at http://www.ellelministries.org/ May the peace of Jesus fill your heart.
Hi Carol,
I guess it is a demon. I get regularly attacked by demons in the weak areas of my personality. Sometimes it seems like they have a hay-day with me. Did you know I used to be an atheist? I still have some residue of that mind-set and the demons go after me sometimes to get me to return back to that type of lack-of-faith thinking.
thank you for all your help,
robin
Hi Robin,
I pray that the Holy Spirit will bring to mind scriptures that will help you fend off the fiery darts, just as Jesus overcame satan in the wilderness with a series of “It is written…” You have a sound mind, the mind of Christ, and when you resist the devil, he will flee from you. I pray that God will build a hedge of protection around you whenever you’re under attack.
I’m not sure how comfortable you are with Healing and Deliverance but Ellel Ministries provides free counselling/ministry to believers in the countries where they have centres. I’m a volunteer with Ellel Singapore 🙂 Praying for you. ~In His Love, Carol
I have been offline for nearly 2 weeks with added life responsibilities and I am just now working to catch up.
Such good words people have given here.
I would only add this one thing that helps me a lot:
after I die and I stand before the throne where Jesus sits, no question about what anyone did TO me will be asked, no dwelling on accomplishments will hit the list, no issues with past events will scar the conversation. Jesus will only ask, “Did you make life better for others?” (Matthew 25:31-46) and “David, do you love me with heavenly love?” (John 21:15-17).
Anything more than the simple bottom-line wearies me…
Peace
Hi David,
So glad to hear from you again!! I do my best to be other-centered in my Christian walk. It’s much better living that way than the self-centered way. But sometimes, when there’s inner turmoil, I get self-centered again. Oh well. Such is life. 2 steps forward; 1 step back.
I still have a hard time feeling safe with Jesus, let alone, really loving him. I just wrote a post on that, called: http://robinclaire.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/i-need-help-with-a-very-big-problem/
Perhaps you have some insight on that one? I’d love to hear what you’d have to tell me about that.
Love to you bro,
robin
So it is with all of us – just solve a problem for it to pop up in another shape, so to speak. When I read the post you refer to I thought I had nothing to add, but I will ponder it again.
Peace