This is tenderest post I think I’ve ever written. The most heart-felt and blatantly honest one.
First of all I have to say that I’m tired today. I was tired yesterday too and I feel like giving up the fight.
The thing is that I have a lot on my plate to deal with. Not that you don’t also have a lot on your plate too. Certainly I know I’m not the only one with problems. In fact, this is a call to all of you to write to me and tell me why you’re tired too and maybe what you’ve done to get out of your rut. I want to feel like I’m not alone. That there is a solution to all this. So I’m asking for any and all input about the problems you also deal with that make you tired; that make you just want to give up. Did you do anything special to make things better?
Here is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.
As an alcoholic, being sober from alcohol… year after year… after year.
[Even though medication works somewhat], being Bipolar with all it’s emotional ups and downs.
Having to deal with PTSD-stress from some severe childhood abuse.
Having a generally melancholy personality.
Feeling pretty alone in an only fairly tolerable marriage.
Struggling with sleep. Waking up 3 and 4 times a night.
Having food and weight issues and fighting my natural bent toward couch-potato-ness.
Hating to clean and do chores that never seem to end.
Feeling like I’ve never done anything worthwhile with the life God has given me. At almost 60 years of age I can’t see that I’ve made anything of my life other than to stay sober and not kill myself.
Feeling like, no matter what I do, I never feel good enough to be accepted by others of my kind.
During the course of staying sober, I became a Christian. I have a very Loving God in my life who helps me get along even with all the problems. My God has done a great deal to help me up to this point and I keep some optimism that life will not always feel this way to me. I have a written Gratitude List with 245 things on it.
But when push comes to shove, I’m pretty tired of it all. Is this all there is to life?
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**Peace & All Feloreaw to our Great & Mighty God**
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