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I’m not saying I don’t feel crappy about life sometimes – you know, it sucks – the storms aren’t fun and they  can be very debilitating. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go through all the psychic-surgeries. But it sure isn’t like what I had gripped to my back before, not nearly like suicide addiction  –  not nearly like the horrid voices with their constant clawing ..…


 “Is it time yet?  Is it time yet?   Is it bad enough yet?”    

“Soon… very, very soon….”

“Oh God! I’m so scared!!”

“It won’t be long now….   soon… very soon….”    

“Is it time yet? Is it time yet?”        

“Oh God! I’m so scared!  What if it’s worse on the other side?!”

“Soon… soon… it won’t be long now.”

“Oh God !!   Oh God !!”    

“Soon… soon….”

“What if it’s worse over there?!  What if I’m jumping from the frying pan into the fire?!!”

“Soon… soon… the pain is getting closer.  Almost time to take the plunge.  Ready… Ready…”

“Oh help me !!!  Help me !!  I’m so afraid !”    

“Soon… soon… the cliff is close at hand….  It won’t be long now…. “          

“Oh God help me!  Why won’t you help me?!!  What can I do?!   What can I do?!”   

“There’s nothing I can do!      Nothing I can do…    Nothing I can do….”

“It’s very close now….  Not very long now….  The pain is getting closer…  It’s almost time..  ready…”

“Oh God !!     Oh God !!   Oh God Help Me !!”          

 *  *  *  *

This is only 5 minutes worth, hounding and hounding – relentless – exhausting – the Devil on my back – one long, cold day after another. The only freedom I ever got was to be dead drunk. After I sobered up I was plagued by it – until May 7th, 1997 when Pops gave me my release [see: a Suicide Addiction Recovery Story].  This was through some psychic-surgery in the midst of a particularly long, arduous, storming, battle with colitis. Only one of a dozen supernatural restorations God has given me the privilege to experience.

Our Christ Jesus came to save sinners…
and for this very reason He showed Mercy – to us! ….
He has done this not only because He loves us but also
as a demonstration to others – of His unlimited patience –
hoping that some might see and realize
how much
He loves His children,
and through this, come to Him themselves
* and receive eternal life *

1st Timothy 1:15

*  *  *  *

Robin Illustration

robin claire