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My mother [in-law] passed away on Sunday, February 3rd, at approximately 4:30 pm Pacific Standard Time, USA. She was 82 years young. She died of CHF [congestive heart failure] brought on by a neoplasm of the stomach and bowel. With CHF the heart slowly ceases to beat and the lungs begin to fill with fluid. This results in slow suffocation. It is not an easy way to die. It took her 8 days worth of hospice care in our home. She did not eat or drink anything during that time. She died only 10 minutes after my husband [her son] told her it was ok to “let go”. She was alone when the actual death took place.

I’m confused.

Should I be sad?

I’m not sad at all.

Other people get sad when they lose someone… but I’m not… I’m never sad when someone dies.

Something is wrong here…. But it’s also making me think.

As those who have read my blog already know… I’m big on thinking… Aren’t I?

Why am I never sad when I loose someone? I’ve lost my mother; my father; all my grandparents; and now my very dear…… Who lived with us a year and a half… With whom I spent many hours talking to, and watching NCIS with, on TV……Whom I took care of… so, so, sweet, re-born Christian… mom in law.

I’ve never cried a single tear for her.

Not one tear…for any of them.

True. They are now gone from my life forever. I will never get to interact with them again. I feel the change. I feel the void, where once they stood.

But there is no pain.

Other people cry.

Not I.

I’ve heard the term: “Attachment Disorder”.

Is this attachment disorder?

Why I feel…  nothing?


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Am I alone?

Are there others who feel this way too?

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**Peace & All Feloreaw  to our Great & Mighty God**

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