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I’ve been very, very mad at my husband for most of our marriage of 25 years now. We are in therapy together and my current assignment is to list everything nice about him. I put off the assignment until today, knowing it was going to be a difficult list to put together.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!!!

 I did the assignment. It only too an hour or so to come up with about 75 good things about him.

I shall keep this list handy the next time I feel like I want to leave him.

For anybody who hates their spouse, here is the list

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What I like about my husband

He tells silly jokes all the time – which makes life more fun and humorous.

He comes to therapy with me every week. A lot of men wouldn’t do this. My first husband wouldn’t do this.

He stays with me even though I’m not much of a wife and I can be a difficult person to be around.

He has provided a good standard of living for me and stayed with his job even though it took a great deal of hardship for him. My first husband wouldn’t stay with any job.

Sometimes he will talk with me about what I want to talk about.

He walks the dogs with me whenever he can.

He allows for my bipolar moodiness without coming down on me.

He will cook and clean. Many men will not do this.

He sometimes can understand when he does something hurtful, like not coming to my table at the church pot luck.

He can sometimes say he’s sorry and admit when he’s wrong. Dad never said he was sorry for anything he did.

He sometimes allows me to handle the TV remote; & watches shows with me that I want to watch even though he doesn’t like them. LMN

He doesn’t push me to play the piano, though we spent a small fortune on it.

He doesn’t get on my back about my smoking even though he used to be a cigarette addict himself.

He doesn’t insist I be around him all the time because he’s sick. He allows me to go and live my own life.

He allows for my idiosyncrasies; like printing and using a lot of computer paper.

He asks me for a silent space before he starts playing the guitar.

He reads my posts that I write.  He’s a good writer himself.

He sometimes takes suggestions, like looking into having blogging buddies for music and baseball friends.

He will be quiet when asked to, when we’re listening to some music. Even though I say it meanly to him.

He will sometimes take my meanness at him and not come back at me for it.

When I said I’d leave him if I had the money, he got very hurt but didn’t yell.

He’s trying to be a good husband to me.

He didn’t want children either – and didn’t pressure me to have any. Thank God!!

He’s managed to stay sober a long, long time even though it could be difficult sometimes.

He’s Christian and loves God. I got lucky because I wasn’t looking for a Christian husband.

He offered to co-sign my loan for a car before we even married.

He allows me to not celebrate any holidays. Doesn’t pressure me about it.

He allows me to spend $ on just about anything I want. Doesn’t say “No” much.

He takes care of me financially.

He took in his mom to live with us and helps out with her as much as he can.

He allows the dogs in the house and jump on the all the furniture.

He lets us sleep with our puppies.

He lets me stay in my nightgown all day if I want to. Not even comb my hair.

He doesn’t insist I be all “girly girl”. He likes me without make-up.

He doesn’t insist I cook and clean and keep the house (even the kit.) clean.

He allows me to be “me”. Most of the time, he doesn’t need me to be perfect.

Even though he doesn’t succeed many times, he tries to buy me things he thinks I’ll like.

He fixes my computer problems. He tries to fix things I have trouble with.

He put up the ledge for the birds in cold wind even though it might have made him sick, and lets me have a bird feeder even though there will be bird droppings all over the porch.

He keeps track of the radiant heat system.

He fixed the garbage disposal when I dropped a penny in it by accident and he didn’t get mad at me for doing that.

He often cleans up the kitchen without requiring praise for doing it.

He will instigate cleaning house,

He does his own laundry without insisting I do his. And he’ll sometimes do mom’s.

He lets me buy as many clothes at Savers as I want without begrudging me the amount of clothes I already have in my closet.

He doesn’t insist I give him stuff to show my love for him.

He will hold me if I ask him to.

He will scratch my back for as long as I want him to. He has great nails for this.

He doesn’t complain much for being sick a lot and for having daily headaches.

He doesn’t insist I like jazz or baseball (sports). Won’t make me participate.

Though he eats well himself, most of the time keeps his feelings to himself about the way I eat (junk food). Doesn’t try to stop me though I maddens him.

Will make me a salad to try to get me to eat a little bit of healthy food.

Keeps his feelings to himself about my being over-weight even though this bothers him a lot.

Lets me spend a lot of time reading and writing blog posts without complaint.

Turns the music down – or off – on the computer when I ask him to.

Spends time with his mother and does for her what I ask him to do for her.

Does a lot of the grocery shopping himself.

Participates in making the tub of salad every week.

Doesn’t insist I make dinner every night.

Greatly loves our dogs.

Doesn’t complain about my terrible cough. Asks me to take mucus relief but doesn’t insist I drink that terrible, terrible cough syrup.

Doesn’t care that I don’t shower every day. Leaves my hygiene alone.

He keeps track of the weather.

He puts together his own food without insisting I do it for him.

He is a fantastic multi-tasker. I can’t be, so he doesn’t insist I be one too.

He can still find a place we’ve been to even though it was 10 years ago.

He’s a fantastic salesman and is good with people. Can be out-going a lot.

Loves politics but doesn’t insist I share this love. Keeps his politics to himself.

Is willing to clean the house WITH me when I ask him to.

Loves a camping vacation as much as I do. He doesn’t mind when we get dirty.

Makes HUMMM noises of contentment when I snuggle with him in bed.

Is willing to listen to me for a while when I talk about depressing things.

Didn’t run away from me while I was suicidal – or manic.

Didn’t run away from me because I have a mental illness

Fought for me when they tried to kill me while I was in the hospital

Visited me (and his mom)  for long periods every day hospitalized (mental / physical)

Doesn’t mind taking care of the household finances

“Plays in the same sandbox” with me. (an expression meaning we are a lot alike)

Even though he’s a man, he sometimes actually admits being wrong and says; “I’m sorry”!!

Robin Illustration
robin claire