I’ve been reading blogs about love a lot lately. Tis the season right? Both to love and to commit suicide. One blogger I read referred to it as: “Happy Suicide Season”.
I was part of the suicide group around this time of year. Actually I was a central part of that group the rest of the year too. It got so bad that I just had to blow off the season altogether. I haven’t participated in all the going’s on’s of this time of year, since 1986….. PRAISE GOD!! It’s all about “YOU VIL BE HEPPY NOW!! I DON”T CARE HOW YOU FEEL – YOU VIL BE HEPPY!”
Don’t tell me how to feel!!! I’ll get extra-depressed, just to spite you. I think it’s an alcoholic thing. Don’t tell an alcoholic what to do. They’ll be determined to do the opposite. If they told me to “BE SAD RIGHT NOW!” I’d probably resort to heppyness – just to be spiteful. Mind you, this is a Christian talking to you; however a highly abused one. Not abused by other Christians, but by the “grown-ups” who were supposed to love me. Love me – hah! What a laugh.
Anyway, back to the topic I started to talk about. –Love– and what that word means to me. I am not a person who can love. I don’t know if I’ll ever be one who can do that – of myself that is. PRAISE GOD I never had children of my own; never wanted any; still don’t regret that decision one bit, at 58 years old.
Anyway, back to –Love– again. So I can’t love – on my own. But I can love – through Christ. Through Jesus’ love for me, and for all mankind – His children. You see, when I had my conversion experience, it was a real whala-palooza of an experience, let me tell you. You can read it on one of my “Pages” above, called “Her Testimony”. My conversion experience was 100% about Love. There was hugging; sword-piercing; love declarations; and being given a like-long friend called the Holy Spirit to love me on a 24/7 basis.
My job here on this planet, is to love, not of my own (see paragraph above), but to love – through Christ. His is a super-natural love, that has NO CONDITIONS! My job (if you could call something one loves to do, a job) is to serve as a channel for that love. I experienced Love in a totally unconditional, super-naturally-powerful way. All I want in this life – in this world – is to be His channel for this kind of love to go out to His other children. You are my brothers and sisters, and God is our Father. Even more, I want to love the other children who do not, as of yet, belong to Him. And these others could be anyone. In other words, I don’t pick and choose who I’m going to channel love to – because I don’t have a clue who His future children might be. The sky’s the limit.
Another thing about Love. I believe it’s about being included, enfolded into the group, as opposed to being abandoned; to be pushed out of the group; to be left out; alone. Now I’m being included into the group of which God is the leader. He has included me! He has enfolded little me, with His Love. What a GREAT GROUP TO BE ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF! Not a cult with a crazy, self-agendized, cult leader – but with God as the leader. And God is Love. And Love has ONLY our good in mind.
This particular group, that I’ve been allowed to be included in, contains great Power! Our leader is all-powerful and He has bestowed a Love-Power into those who are included – enfolded – into His group. Enfolded – into His arms.
Being given this Love-Power, gave me all the Power I needed to stay away from the first drink for 31 of my last 33 years sober. I could not, in no way, shape, or form, do this on my own – without the Love-Power I received from the leader of my group – God – through Jesus Christ.
By the way, with super-natural love, and with a great investment in my being healed of childhood abuse, God removed the obsession to “do-myself-in”, on May 7th, 1997; a day that will forever be etched in my memory.
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I hope I’ve been able to make this idea clear to you. I have done the best I can. But it’s hard to put into language what Pops (God) reveals to me in my heart. I fully realize I don’t have a corner on the market of knowing how to live the spiritual life. If there are parts missing, or parts that don’t make sense, please ask Him about this. I know He will fill in any gaps in understanding regarding any mess ups in my communication. I’m open to any input of what God has revealed to you about this.