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Robin:       Hi Pops

Pops:        Well hello sweetheart. How wonderful you’re coming to visit with me.
Do you have something on your mind you want to talk about?

Robin:       Yes

Pops:        I’m so glad you came to me. I know it’s hard for you to get close to anyone.

Robin:       That’s true. It’s hard; very, very hard – for me.

Pops:        But I’m so happy you’ve come! You know that, don’t you?

Robin:       Yes Papa.

Pops:        What’s on your mind little one? You can be yourself with me. You can just be yourself. It’s OK.

Robin:       I’m struggling Papa. I HATE myself right now!

Pops:        I’m so sorry to hear that dear.  Why do you hate yourself so much right now?

Robin:       Because I’m selfish, and I hate that about myself – you know? I’m a selfish, selfish little prick, and I hate myself for being this way. I don’t want to be this way Papa; but I can’t seem to help it; being selfish – you know?

Pops:        That’s ok sweetie, I totally understand. You hate yourself for feeling selfish.

Robin:       I’m a selfish, selfish, selfish little girl. You know? And I can’t seem to get un-selfish no matter how hard I try, everything seems to come back to me.

I hate myself.

Pops:        Do you know something?

Robin:       What Papa?

Pops:        I love you, I always have loved you and I always will love you. I know you think of yourself a lot but… I love you my little darling – and you’re being selfish is totally OK. I understand. I really do understand.

Robin:       But how can you love someone who only thinks of themselves all the time?

Pops:        I can’t help it my dear heart. No matter how bad you’re feeling about yourself; even if  you see you’re as selfish, I can’t not love you. My precious, precious little one it’s ok to feel like, or to even be, selfish. I already know.

But you know what else?

Robin:       What Pops?

Pops:        This is the biggest news ever! My heart is jumping for joy right now for you. You know why?

Robin:       No. Why?

Pops:        Your eyes are opening more and more my dearest girl, and you’re having growing pains because of that. But this is a good thing!! Good for you! I LOVE to see how much you’re growing!

Robin:       But I HATE myself so much right now!!

Pops:        I understand… and I’m going to love you through this hard time you’re having. I will be right here through the whole thing my dear heart. I won’t leave your side, and I know that after all the dust is settled, it’s going to be OK…. and you’re going to be OK.

Robin:       Really? Truly? Even though I’m a selfish, selfish brat; to where I think about nothing but myself?

I can’t seem to get away from it Papa! I’m doing everything on this planet to enhance – ME!! It always seems to come back to ME! Even when I’m loving somebody I’m secretly doing it – for ME! I do it so I can feel good about MYSELF… because I’m being such a “loving person”.

Yuck!! I just hate myself!!!

Pops:        I’m so, so, sorry baby that you hate yourself so much. But I promise you, it’ll be OK.

Robin:       I just hate, hate, hate myself!! I can’t stand being in my own skin right now, I hate myself so much!

Pops:        I love you Robin. You just hang in there right now. Watch me work. I will help you get through this. I’m not going anywhere. I love, love, love you my precious little one.

Robin:       I know Pops.  I guess I have to hang in there right now.

Pops:        Yes baby, just hang in there. It’s going to be OK. It’s going to be more than OK. It’s going to be grand! It’s going to be better than grand! You’re growing and that’s so, so, so wonderful for me – to watch you grow. I love you so much my heart!!!

Robin:       I know you love me Papa. I have to let go, don’t I? I have to believe You. I have to believe You’re going to fix this, and fix all my self-hatred. You’re going to make it better.

Pops:        That’s exactly right my precious, precious little one. Try not to worry to much. I’m going to make it better. You’ve come to me about this now. Now I can come make it better for you. Just hang in there dear darling.  I love you.

Robin:       Thanks Pops. I guess I love you too. It’s selfish love, but that’s all I got.

Pops:        You just hang in there now. Remember… it’s going to be OK. It’s going to be grand! You just watch Me work. After this growing up stuff finishes you’re going to be amazed!! Just amazed at what you find underneath all your stuff – and all your self-hatred!

Robin:       Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later. Thanks Papa.

Pops:        OK my precious little one. I’ll be talking to you soon.

Always remember…. I love you.

Robin:       I will remember Papa. Bye, Bye

Pops:       Bye, bye my oh, so precious little one.


Robin Illustration

robin claire